We have a great apartment here in Lucca. It’s exactly what we “need” with a few extras. What it doesn’t have is a balcony or a garden. We avoided getting one with those things because: 1) they are hard to find in Centro, and 2) I would be tempted to have the doors open constantly, and we were worried about the cats. But, I do have a great view from the guest room where I work/write/learn/study. 

I enjoy the view most of the time. Today, however, it annoys me. After a three hour Italian class this morning, I have come home to another long day of grading and posting and preparing assignments. The window is a constant reminder of where else I could be. I don’t want to be anywhere but here in Lucca—which is a drastic change for this queen of wanderlust. But, I also don’t want to be in this room doing work.

The sun is bright and the wind is, mostly, warm. My back aches from sitting all day. And I can’t focus on the screen of this laptop because the window draws my attention. Do I open the window? Will it torture me further? Likely.

I’ve worked hard to be here. Here in Italy. Here in Lucca. Here in this room. And there is a part of me that begins to harden at the thought that I am being denied the treasures that shine from outside this window. I’ve earned this, right??

I have always balked at the expression “You’re so lucky.” While I believe luck plays a part in life, we often confuse being “lucky” with “earned.” I’ve often heard college athletes remark in interviews before major playoffs (particularly NCAA Women’s or Men’s Basketball, because that’s really the only college sport I watch) say, “We are lucky to be here. And we’re going to make the most of it.” And I think to myself how that turn of phrase is so NOT what you are experiencing! You earned this! You worked for this! Lucky removes the agency from the action. To say you are lucky implies that you had no hand in getting there, and you have no hand in staying. You have no hand in winning. That court isn’t going to be a sunny day to sit back and enjoy! You want to be on that court; by God, you are going to earn every second.

As the sun goes in and out of clouds here in Tuscany, over this beautiful view, and the light filters in and out of this window, I also have to work for this too. If I want to be out there, by God, I have to earn every second. 

The sky has darkened a little and, as I adjust my eyes to the brightness of this laptop screen, I ask the cosmos for a bit of help to get back to work. I just need a little help somedays.

I am completely resigned to my work despite what comes through the window.

Oh, look…it’s raining.